Well, today is the big day. The day where businesses everywhere get to make a mint on guilt… ok ok that is a little harsh.
Truthfully, Neil and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. When we first started dating, we agreed not to celebrate Valentine’s on Feb 14th and just celebrate our relationship (and each other) every day! Neil and I were both relieved that we made this decision! I think I would feel slightly insulted if one day a year, Neil went all-out and spoiled me with flowers and candy and romance. Romance shouldn’t be limited to one day and although I don’t expect candy and flowers on a daily basis, it is a far bigger treat when it comes as a surprise!
I used to be friends with girls that would guilt their partners into a super spoiled Valentine’s Day, demanding that they get taken to fancy restaurants with expensive gifts etc.. Back then, I was single and I always got a little bitter seeing this almost blackmail mentality that, because you’re together, there is an expectation that money and gifts mean a stronger and more loving relationship.
I know that there is another side to this story. I know there are people who just love the cheesy, sweet romance that accompanies the day. The fairytale romantic gestures of a sweet innocent boy/girl pouring his/her heart out to the love of his/her life.. thats fine! I don’t condemn the romance and gestures, just the commercialism.
A few years ago I went out with “the girls” for Valentine’s day. We were all single and thought that we would celebrate the day with a dinner out. I had never been out for a Valentine’s Day dinner. We made reservations at a restaurant that we had been to many times before. When we got there I was shocked! The place was packed! The restaurant had not only added tables to the usual floorplan but they also had pre-arranged dinner schedules where each seating was a flat 2 hours. Wow, now THATS romance! Packed like sardines into what used to be a romantic restaurant and then rushed through a meal.
On top of all that, I think what hit me the hardest was looking around at each table for two and none of the couples were smiling, talking, holding hands, toasting eachother, gazing lovingly into each others eyes… none of that… Granted, they may have been grumpy from the short service and tight quarters but what a depressing experience! So that experience solidified my decision to avoid the Valentine’s Day trap!
I prefer the everyday gestures… a spontaneous morning snuggle when the alarm goes off (even on a work day!), a random hug… anytime or that single text or email in the day which says “I Love You”, “You make me happy”, “I miss you”, “I can’t wait to put my arms around you”, even “You complete me!”.
Love is interesting… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love
I guess every relationship is different. Everyone shows affection in different ways and I am not saying that Valentine’s Day should be abolished. It’s just not for me!
For those of you in relationships/partnerships/marriages, I wish you a wonderful Valentine’s Day filled with whatever it is that makes you happy. I also wish you the same gestures and feelings on a daily basis even if too subtle to pinpoint. You can still “feel” it…
For those of you who are single/independant, I wish you the exact same thing! I hope you realise that even if you are longing for a relationship on this day, you still have people in your life that care about you and you need to treat yourself with the same love and respect! You deserve it!
I can’t stress enough… no matter what situation you are in (single or in a partnership), never ever compare yourself or your relationship to anyone else! As human beings we only project a fraction of what is true about our lives and that projection is almost always the best side of us. You can compare what you have (all 100%) to 10% of what someone else has but realise that you may want the good/positive/happy things they have but you don’t want the problems/issues/struggles that balance out their life. Just as you have good and bad in your life to balance you out, so does everyone else.
It is easy to wish for a substitution for something you are missing out on… thicker, longer hair, better health, a better job/money, a better relationship… or a relationship at all. But for every wish granted, a sacrifice is made. Freedom, time, friendships, money… everything in life is a delicate balance. Not all sacrifices are bad and often the good outweighs the bad but that is also a matter of perspective and having the right attitude…
Imagine how bizarre the world would be if we could pick and choose the aspects of our lives and only have the good… no bad, no struggles, no fear, no anger… Sad thing is, if thats the way we lived, we would soon forget what “good” actually feels like. Without the struggles, you have nothing to look forward to, nothing to learn to appreciate and no reason to celebrate.
I’ll step off the soap box now and leave you with these thoughts which are far more eloquent than my own…
“Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition” (Alexander Smith 1830-1867) “Let us learn to appreciate there will be times when the trees will be bare, and look forward to the time when we may pick the fruit” (Anton Chekhov 1860-1904)